When Loneliness Hides Inside: What Kids Aren't Saying

There’s a truth I’ve come to learn - loneliness doesn’t always look lonely. Sometimes loneliness hides inside.

Sometimes, it’s the kid in the playground who’s mastered the art of swinging alone, toes pointed to the sky as if they’re on top of the world. Other times, it’s the chatterbox whose stories spill over each other, filling every quiet space with words, so no one notices the silence underneath.

Kids are pretty good at hiding what hurts. They’re tiny experts at wearing brave faces, at disguising the heavy weight of feeling left out, invisible, or not quite fitting in. It’s easy to miss because loneliness rarely announces itself.

It tiptoes in quietly, settling in behind wide smiles and busy hands.

I remember a boy on my old school bus route. He’d hop on with a grin so wide you’d think he’d just won a trip to Disneyland. He was the kind of kid who always had a story, always wanted to be the helper, always quick with a joke. It took a while to notice that no one saved him a seat. His jokes were just a beat too quick, as if he was trying to outrun something. One day, when the bus was quieter than usual, I asked him who he’d like to sit next to if he could pick anyone. His answer? 'I don’t mind. I’m good on my own.'

That’s the thing about loneliness - it often dresses up as independence. It hides in plain sight. It can look like confidence or contentment, but if you listen closely, if you pay attention to the tiny cracks, you might hear it.

In Radical Ray, Ray notices these quiet clues. His 'Belonging Bench' wasn’t just about giving kids a place to sit - it was about creating a space where unspoken needs could finally find a voice. He understood that sometimes, the bravest kids are the ones who don’t say a word.

So how do we, as parents, educators, and caregivers, help those kids who’ve learned to wear a brave face? I think it starts with curiosity. Asking not just 'How was your day?' but 'Who did you sit with today?' or 'What made you smile?' It’s about creating little pockets of safety where kids feel seen, even when they aren’t ready to share everything.

It’s also about modeling vulnerability. Sharing our own stories of times we felt a bit lost, a bit on the outside, can help kids understand that loneliness is a part of life - and it doesn’t make them any less worthy of love and connection.

And sometimes, it’s as simple as showing up. Sitting on the swing next to them, letting the silence sit between you until they’re ready to fill it. Because when loneliness wears a brave face, the kindest thing we can do is make sure they know they don’t have to wear it forever.

Love, Bobbi x