Can you think of a time you showed kindness even when it was hard? What made it hard?

Discussion question for students to explore the challenges of showing kindness.

What's the difference between feeling kind and actually doing something kind?

Discussion question focusing on the action-oriented nature of Radical Love.

Has kindness ever come back to you — like a boomerang? What did that feel like?

Discussion question regarding the reciprocity of kindness.

What would our classroom look like if everyone practiced Radical Love every day?

Discussion question to envision a classroom environment centered on daily Radical Love.

Why Do Kids Act Mean? A Free SEL Empathy Activity for Grades 2–5

Aug 7
5 min read

Why This SEL Empathy Activity Works for Grades 2–5

This SEL empathy activity for grades 2–5 arrives when the classroom social dynamics have fully formed, and the first real conflicts are surfacing. The child who is always in trouble is starting to wear on everyone's patience. Friendships are falling apart. Someone is acting out, and nobody knows why.

This is the most important lesson a child can learn at this point in the school year: that the kid who is acting the worst is almost always the kid who is hurting the most.

Ray learns this not from a lesson or a lecture but from sitting down next to Sam with a packet of barbecue chips and staying when it was uncomfortable. That act of understanding changes something in the room. This activity is designed to create that same shift in yours.

(The Activity - Step by Step)

1 Set It Up

Tell the class the story — don't read it, just tell it:

"Ray is heading to the handball court at recess when he hears laughing near the bubbler. Sam has grabbed Gertie's sandwich and is holding it above her head. Ray marches over, tells Sam to give it back, and Sam stomps off toward the swings, muttering under his breath.

Ray watches him go, sitting alone on the edge of the playground, kicking at the dirt.

And Grandma Leila's words come back to him: sometimes people who act mean are feeling sad or upset about something.

At lunch, Ray does something nobody expected. He picks up a packet of chips from his own lunch box and walks over to Sam."

Pause. Then ask the class: "Why do you think Ray did that?"

2 The Real Question

Once students have responded, open the real discussion with this question:

"Has anyone ever seen someone acting mean or difficult and wondered what was really going on for them underneath?"

Let students share without pressure. Then introduce the idea that behaviour is always communication. When someone is mean, aggressive, or difficult, they are usually trying to tell the world something they don't have the words for.

Sam tells Ray straight out: "It's not like people want me around anyway." He had been carrying that belief the whole time.

Ask: "What do you think Sam was really feeling when he took Gertie's sandwich?"

Let the answers come. Lonely. Left out. Angry. Invisible. All of them are right.

3 The Brave Thing

Tell students what Ray does next.

He sits down. He stays when Sam is rude to him. He doesn't lecture or fix. He just stays. And before he leaves, he says something real: "If you ever want to stop being mad at the world, you know where to find me. We're playing soccer after lunch. You'd make a decent goalie if you ever wanted to try."

Ask: "What made that brave? Why is it harder to be kind to someone who is being difficult than to someone who is being nice?"

4 The Anchor

Close with this question and go around the circle for one-word answers:

"Think of someone in your life, at school, at home, anywhere, who sometimes acts in a way that frustrates you. Without naming them, what do you think might be going on for them underneath?"

One word each. Scared. Lonely. Tired. Angry. Left out. Let the words fill the room. That moment of collective understanding is the whole lesson.

Discussion Questions

Ray hesitated before going to sit with Sam. What do you think he was worried about? What made him go anyway?

Sam said, "It's not like people want me around anyway." How long do you think he had been feeling that way? What do you think it would feel like to carry that belief every day?

Ray didn't try to fix Sam or tell him to be nicer. He just stayed and offered chips. Why do you think that mattered more than a lecture would have?

Grandma Leila said that people who act mean are often feeling sad or upset about something. Do you think that's always true? Are there times when it isn't?

Counselor Corner

This SEL empathy activity reveals things other activities may miss. The student who immediately names a specific person when asked who frustrates them, and whose answer carries real heat, may be telling you about a relationship that needs attention. That energy is worth exploring in a follow-up conversation.

Also, watch the student who goes very still during the Sam story. Not bored, still. Still in the way that means something is resonating personally. They may be recognising themselves in Sam more than in Ray.

The one-word anchor at the end of this activity is one of the most useful data collection moments in the whole series. When a student says "scared" or "invisible" without any context, they are often describing their own experience, not someone else's. Note those words. Come back to them.

For students who are already presenting as the Sam in your classroom, the one who is always in trouble, always acting out, always difficult, this activity normalises their experience without identifying them. Hearing their classmates' names, the feelings underneath difficult behaviour can be transformative for a child who has only ever been told they are the problem.

From the Book

This activity draws from Chapter 5 of Radical Ray: Australia's Little Champion for Big Change (Book 1) — A Step Toward Understanding.

Ray walks back to his friends after sitting with Sam and glances over his shoulder once. Sam is still sitting there, holding the chip packet. His usual scowl seems softer somehow.

Ray thought about what Grandma Leila had said: sometimes people who act mean might be feeling sad or upset about something. He didn't know Sam's whole story. But he had taken one small step toward understanding it.

That one small step is what this activity asks your students to take.

You can find Book 1 on Amazon → meetradicalray.com/books

Coming next Friday — Week 9

Learning From Mistakes: The Reframe Activity

Ray spills black paint all over his artwork and thinks it's ruined. Grandma Leila shows him something that changes how he sees the whole picture. Students take their own mistakes and find what's hiding inside them.

Say Hello!

Bobbi Chegwyn, author of the Radical Ray series. — Bobbi Chegwyn

Bobbi loves to connect with anyone in Ray's world — teachers, counsellors, parents, and kids.

If Ready, Ray, Go! is making a difference in your classroom, she would genuinely love to hear about it. And if you'd like Bobbi to visit your school — in person or via Zoom — she would love that too.